My Friend

My friend,

I don't want you to think that I have a heart of stone because I didn't seem to care when you left. I was impacted more than I myself realized but just couldn't believe you were gone. I thought that I could rejoice and take comfort in knowing that you had gone to your real home and that because I was so far away I could hide my emotions in the distance. I was wrong. So often you come into my mind through memories of the past and I have to remind myself you're no longer with us and it hurts. I don't want you to think that because I didn't call or write to your loved ones that I didn't care. I was so far away and emails and phone calls didn't seem good enough. I was so frustrated I couldn't be with everyone during those days, weeks, and now months that I buried everything inside.

I remember youth convention 2001 how you and I went to a seminar on faith. During the session the speaker pointed you out of the crowd and said you were someone who had great Faith and that God was going to use you to do great things. I think the legacy that you've left behind and the number of people that were impacted by you is a testimony to that. You were always an encourager.

I still remember the first line of a song that you had written during a time you spent with God. It started with "Oh my child..." And you performed it at one of the TPA Youth Group talent nights. Your relationship with God always seemed so precious and beautiful.

I remember the times we had giggling and coming up with plans to invade the boys at the Behrendts and I remember the times you'd ask me around and we'd sit and talk and make supper together.

I miss you...you meant a great deal to me and I wanted you to know that. I'm sorry that I wasn't better at keeping in touch and letting you know. I hope somehow through the wall of reserve I hid behind you knew and that one day I'll be able to tell you in person what a great friend you were to me.

For Heidi Jaremy 1983 - 2005