Reflection

I think that it's fair to say I've had a pretty adventurous life so far. I've managed to do a lot of things that I hadn't even imagined for myself since I left high school and I've experienced quite a lot of variety and change. I always like to say that I'm someone who craves variety in their routine. When I was working regular 9-5 jobs I used to try and find different routes to drive home when the regular ones got too regular. When I go jogging I can only jog the same route for so long before I crave a change of scenery. I think I've arranged the furniture in my room at least five times in the past year. I like things active, moving, happening but I think that I like it all to happen within my control. I like change that I produce and that I want to happen. It's a lot harder when life begins to step up the pace that you've been dictating. That's when I realize that I'm not really in control at all. God is. And it's a lesson that I find I keep having to learn no matter where I am.

I remember about a year and a half ago when I was leading Team Canada and we had just finished our week in Mexico. We went down to volunteer at a mission called Foundation For His Ministries and we were there for one week. This was the first major trip of the year that I had been leading and boy...did I fight for control. Everything had to be perfect, to the point where I think I became overbearing and stressed when I didn't need to be at all. That whole year was a lesson in learning to let God be the one to call the shots. As we were driving from Mexico back into the States our van (who I'd named Ruban) began to chug and jerk up a the hill we were driving. Ruban was not in the best state for traveling the distance that he had and I think that it was a miracle that he lasted as long as he did. He chugged, sputtered and eventually died and I burst into tears. Here we were two hours or so from the border and it was probably getting on late into the afternoon and I had absolutely no idea what to do. The control of the trip had been ripped out my hands with this situation and it was a hard concept to get my head around. But God is so faithful! Not one minute after we'd pulled to the side of the road a car coming the opposite direction pulled off and two Mexican men jumped out and ran across to us to see what was the matter. They didn't speak very much English at all but they proceeded to take a look under the hood and asses what Ruban needed. They realized we needed a new something or other and jumped into their car, drove to the nearest town, bought the part and came back and put it in for us! The whole time I sat on the side of the road crying. Partially because of stress and from being overtired. When a situation like this happens when you're on a short string to begin with it's easy to snap. And God gently spoke to me and said "Jenny, this is not your team, it's Mine. I'm the one in charge and I will take care of you, trust me!"

Throughout the year God proved to me in so many ways that He was in control and He was taking care of us. It was so humbling and awesome.

I bring this up now because at this moment in my life so many things are changing. Steve and Heather are gone to Canada, Lisa is moving in, I'm moving out and living out of a suitcase again throughout this summer and then moving to live with another family. Angie is coming over to work with the charity (which is awesome!) and through everything I'm asking "what's my purpose?" But I need to remember that God is the one in control. He is the one who has had all my days ordained for me before one of them came to be. He is the one that saw me before I was formed in my mother's womb. (Psalm 139) And I need to remember to trust Him. Not only to simply remember it but to act on what I'm remembering. That God is good and faithful and will lead me through storms, deserts and everything else that comes my way and to submit to His will and plan; not my own agenda. I once heard a pastor say something that I've always remembered and it was this: "The older we get, and the longer we've been Christians we should become more and more sure of God's faithfulness in our lives" I think that's very true. We should be able to look back and be so sure of our futures because of how God has proved himself in our pasts. I think that's why God told the Israelites to make sure that their children remembered the stories of all the miracles God had done for them. So they would remember how faithful God had been to their parents and they could be sure of that in their own lives.

"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me." Psalms 57 v2