Happy To Love

My pet peeve of the moment would definitely have to be my shoes. They're slowly wearing away on the bottoms and rocks have been finding their way inside so that my shoes rattle when I walk! Really I should just by some new shoes since these ones are really starting to come apart, but being the pack rat and sentimental person who attaches emotions to inanimate objects, it's a hard prospect to face. These shoes are the first thing that I bought when I got to England! My wickedly awesome friend Fi, took me shopping in Birmingham at the Bullring and helped me pick them out and even paid for half of the shoes. She's one of the most generous people I know. They're so comfortable and they're my favourite kind, the ones you slip on, no laces and heels exposed. Plus they had this kind of really soft slipper lining in them at the beginning which was so comfortable. It's since worn down some but they're still very comfortable. They're also Rocket Dogs which is a brand that I've been told is really trendy. Not that it means a whole lot to me, I just buy things that I like and if I'm lucky they happen to be cool.

Anyway my shoes have got my reminiscing about the last 18 months. I can't believe I've been here for a year and a half and am working towards possibly remaining for a 3rd year. People ask me what the hardest thing has been about being in England. Do I miss my family, my friends, my country, etc. I think one of the hardest things is being caught between two worlds. For example; lets examine my accent. I know that my Ottawa friends always made fun of the way I talked and told me that me and my brothers sounded English long before I'd even considered coming here, but now there's some definite truth to those statements. I call home and people say "Oh you sound so English!" Yet to the English I still sound Canadian...I'm stuck in this weird twilight zone where I'm neither Canadian or English! I pronounce words like "hand", "man", and pants very Englishly (apparently) yet still manage to keep a "twang" to what I'm saying!

On a more serious note I think it's harder feeling torn between two worlds when I hear about all the things going on back home and I start wishing that in some way I was still there and a part of it. But then I realise that even if I was in Canada I would still be having this problem. It's a partial curse from having moved around so much. I hear what's going on in Lloydminster and wish I was back there and could see everyone again, I hear what's going on in Ottawa and wish I could be back there and see everyone again, I hear what's going on in Thompson and wish I could be back there and see everyone again and when I'm back home in Canada I hear what's been happening in England and wish I could come back and see everyone again! I just can't win! On the one hand though there has been a major blessing in moving around so much. I'm so blessed to have met the people that I have throughout my life, especially some of my close girlfriends. -- I was thinking a bit about this the other day. How coming from a family of only brothers God still blessed me with so many families that had sisters in them to be my friends and sub-sisters. There seems to be a common theme of becoming friends with families that have two girls in them: Crystal and Amber, Shandee and Ladonna, Leanne and Terri, Sarah and Maia, Christina and Charmaine, Sophie and Francesca.... Although this theme is common it is not limited as I've met a lot of other amazing "sisters" on the way. Tanys, Karyn, Fi, Heidi, Marea, Heather, Lisa....all the girls from Team Canada...I could go on. Please don't be upset if you read this blog and I have not mentioned your name, I haven't forgotten you!--

So anyway, I've digressed but the title of this blog is ...and I digress... so what do you expect?

One of my most favourite quotes ever, if not my most favourite, is by Hannah Hurnard from Hinds Feet On High Places. It is where the Good Shepherd is asking Much Afraid if she would like to go up to the High Places and have hinds feet and in order to go there has to have the flower of Love already blooming in her heart:

"Then will you let me plant the seed of true Love there now?" asked the Shepherd. "It will take you some time to develop hinds' feet and to climb to the High Places, and if I put the seed in your heart now it will be ready to bloom by the time you get there."

Much-Afraid shrank back. " I am afraid," she said. "I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can."

"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?"

She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, "Yes, very much afraid of it."

"But it is so happy to love," said the Shepherd quietly. "It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant."

That has to be one of my favourite quotes..."it is so happy to love." And every time I think of all the people I've had to say good bye to or don't know when I'll see again next it comes to mind and reminds me that I was blessed to have had the time with them that I had. I think it's also so hopeful...no matter how much you've been hurt or what kind of pain you've been through because of others, it is still happy to love!

If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Matthew 5:46

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. Deuteronomy 6:5