Computers, Youth Work and Mutant Blood

I thought that maybe I would try something different today. I thought that instead of having a well thought out post with a specific topic, I'd just start typing and see what came up with. So please join me on a journey through my thoughts!

Ever wonder if typing on a keyboard has taken away the art of the written language? Sometimes I think that. It's so convenient and easy and if you get the knack of touch typing it's a lot faster than writing things down on paper. But as someone who enjoyed making my notes neat and tidy in high school, and who is fascinated with calligraphy and old school writing from back in the day, I wonder if we've lost something to the clickety-clack of the keyboard...Just something to ponder I guess. I'm sure that I could get into some rant about how society today is being lost to the age of the computer and technology etc, but I don't think that I'm going to go there. I will admit that I'm someone who can type pretty darn fast on the computer and it always feels impressive to start typing away and wow everyone in the room with my impressive skills. I have my PLM class in grade 9 to thank for that! PLM stands for Personal Life Management and it was this naff class where you learned about random things like how to make decisions, personal hygiene and of course how to type on a computer keyboard. I suppose it wasn't completely useless because here I am typing away, impressing people left and right!

I'm the only one in the building at the moment. Well aside from the decorator who I nearly ran over this morning. He was painting behind the other side of the door which I didn't know and so when I walked in I heard this banging and a bit of a shout. He just laughed which is a good thing. He seems like a pretty jolly fellow, he must enjoy his profession, we need more decorators like him in the world.

Tonight we have a youth club to go to and it's my turn to do the "talk." The theme which I am going to be talking about is either The Bible, or the Holy Spirit. I'm not sure which one because someone's scribbled out the topics and re-written them. Either way it's always a challenge at this particular club because none of the kids are churched and there is only 10 minutes at the end of the club to try and get the talk in. As well they are usually loud and hyper and a bit rough around the edges so half the time you're telling them to be quiet...Please, and the other half you're trying to talk about God. It's very interesting and it makes you wonder at times whether or not they're actually hearing anything you actually say. One evening one boy was bullying one of the younger boys and pushed him over. Let's call them Jim and William. William came to the table where I was playing a game with some others and burst into tears. I comforted him and then got him settled into the game we were playing and then went to see Mike about Jim. Mike went to speak with Jim and then came back to William to announce that Jim was ready to apologize so William went with Mike. While Jim was apologizing something caught Mike's attention and while Mike wasn't looking Jim started giving William the finger while very sweetly saying he was sorry. William just came back to the table with a sigh an continued playing the game. But I had seen the whole thing so I once again went and reported to Mike about Jim's apology. Mike confronted Jim who started yelling and denying the whole thing. When Mike told him that I had seen him give the finger he started yelling at me and cussing at me. I was then his target from that moment on and was constantly dodging pencils that were chucked at my head. SIGH! Youth work sure has it's moments!

I actually did something social last night! After youth group I went out with some of the older youth for a drink. It was nice to hang out with them and just talk about whatever. I've really missed going out while I've been over here. It's not that it's impossible, it's just that there's really a lack of young adults my age to hang out with, they're all away at University. That's one of the things I miss about Canada the most, the friends that I have back there. One of the other problems is that I do not work regular hours. Sometimes I work weekends and evenings because of youth events such as youth alpha and our youth services and tomorrow we have a "vision planning day" for 6 hours. There is a lot of time and effort that goes into being a youth worker and it overlaps quite a lot with your personal life.

I'm trying to think if there are any other interesting stories that I can share...Well my brother and I decided that there is mutant blood in our family. For starters who has a last name like Mosher?? Now, I googled Mosher and apparently there are a lot out there especially in the States, but throughout all of my child hood years I only ever met one person who had the same last name and that was when we were in Thompson. Other then that we were always one of a kind. Secondly there is an unusual behavioral disorder in my family called insanity. As individuals we are fairly tame although still distinctly unusual but when we get together as a family madness reigns. The only theory we could come up with is that our parents must carry mutant blood and have passed it down into us kids. I will never forget the day I came home for lunch and my mother (she rocks) started dancing around the kitchen with an empty jar of salsa singing "my name is picante salsa"...yep mutant blood is the only explanation I can think of. I think most of the mutant blood was distributed amongst the males in my family. I will admit to the occasional weird streak but my weirdness is nothing compared to my brothers...Oh the inhumanity of it all! I have stories...stories that are sworn to secrecy and must remain locked in the family vault of knowledge...If you people out there only knew! I think Tanys must have a pretty good idea since she married one of my brothers, now her kids will have mutant blood in them as well. I guess that's the price she paid!

Anyway I am going to get working on my talk for tonight, Lisa has come in and told me that I can just pick a topic because we've gotten them out of order.

Until my next ramble
JMo out!

Even Then
Nichole Nordeman

It's a fear that keeps me wide awake
In the middle of the night
When the expectations are too great and the bar gets raised too high.

So I do the best with what I've got
And hope that no one knows
That I strain to see how high I can
Try to stand on these toes
Until I'm measure, but you know better

So thank You, Jesus
Even when You see us just as we are
Fragile and frail and so far from who we want to be
So thank You, Jesus
Even when the pieces are broken and small
Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank You even then

So I put aside the masquerade
And admit that I am not okay
Which may not be the thing to say, but I'm not ashamed to need you
More each day

We raise the standard and try to reach YouBut we'll never make it, and we don't need to...

So thank You, Jesus
Even when You see us just as we are
Fragile and frail and so far from who we want to be
So thank You, Jesus
Even when the pieces are broken and small
Dreams shatter and scatter like the wind
Thank You even then

Pieces of Wisdom

Last week I went Tamworth and was able to visit the lovely friends that I have down there. It was great fun and nice to get away from work for a bit. I was able to do some shopping, see some films and I even went bowling one evening (without disaster for those of you who know the secret of my grade 8 past)

While in Tamworth I also learned some valuable pieces of wisdom which I'm sure I will carry with me in life forever more:

1. 4 out of 5 people find my honey trap lip balm revolting the 4 of the 5 being males

2. Washing your hands in the middle of the night is not a good idea as you may knock the toothbrush holder into the sink and break it

3. Wine is much more bearable if you are tired.
(to clarify any confusion regarding that statement, Fiona took me to a Dorothy Perkins ladies night where we shopped after hours and they served wine while you wandered the store. I usually can't stand the taste of wine but having dozed off in the car on the way my taste buds weren't fully functioning and it didn't taste as horrible as i usually find it)

4. You have to be very careful when using certain words that could double as an innuendo, especially around English people because they will automatically pick up the innuendo and think that's what you meant!

5. Always make sure that your young persons rail card is up to date when traveling on the train!

Napoleon Dynamite

When I went home this summer I felt a bit out of touch with the youth/young adult culture because it seemed a recent film and it's success had managed to influence EVERYONE. I saw shirts all over West Ed that said "vote for Pedro", people were quoting lines like wild fire and here I was, little ol' Canadian me not having a clue! So I decided that if I ever wanted to feel like I was a Canadian again I'd better watch this film so that I could relate with my people. Sadly I never got a chance while I was in Canada but when I got back to England I spotted it at Blockbuster on the previously viewed film shelf and made a snap purchase. I didn't actually get to watch it until last Thursday and I wasn't sure what to expect. I had heard so much about it, that it was hilarious but not the norm. I brought it to one of our youth group socials and we ended up watching it and I loved it!! Seriously, I thought it was brilliant. The first half hour I was cringing a bit inside because it's pretty slow and very random and I was thinking that everyone was going to criticize me for a bad movie choice but they all thought it was great too. The best part has got to be the dancing at the end, if nothing else the whole movie is worth watching for that one part.

In conclusion I give Napoleon Dynamite 3 thumbs up!

Espionage

Monday morning and it's still raining here in Morpeth, but it's England and people keep asking me what else I expect!

It's been raining all weekend and it's been a fairly quiet weekend as well. Tim, Anna and the girls left Saturday afternoon to spend half term break in the Lake District. For the non-English readers there are 4 terms every school year and every half term the students get a week off of school. With the Hatch's gone I spent the weekend on my own in the house and it was pretty quiet...not much excitement. I did go for a run on Saturday in the late afternoon and a nasty driver decided it would be fun to hit a puddle going 60 miles/hour as he drove by and it completely drenched me! It was like a tidal wave that went right over my head. I wasn't too upset since it was already raining and I was already pretty wet, but still where is common courtesy on the road these days?

Oh! There was ixth hour last night in Newcastle which is always pretty good. They usually have a guest come on the stage and share a testimony for a few minutes and last night they had Fabiano Martell who is an actor from Sheffield. He acted in Tomb Raider 2 and said next he'll start working on a film called Night Vision. He shared how he became a Christian and it was really neat to here this person who's in the acting industry and he was so down to earth and talking about how the people who really have it together are not actors and Holly Wood but people who know Jesus. I was really excited.

But today, I participated in a bit of espionage. It was very exciting!
I had to run an errand to the bank to pay in some cheques. I arrived pretty soggy because of the rain, joined the queue and started filling in a pay in slip. While I was filling in my slip another person joined the queue behind me and since I was taking a bit with the slip he kind of was inching past me so I just turned to him and said "go ahead, I'll be a few minutes."
"Are you sure?" He asked me.
I was completely taken by surprise because the words that came out of his mouth were in a foreign accent, a North American Accent to be exact! This man wasn't from England and my how he stood out! Then I began to think...this is what i must've sounded like to people when I first arrived...wait a minute...this is how I still sound to people when I first talk to them! How weird! Over the year and a bit that I've been here the English accent has become my "normal"

During my wait in the queue I overheard his conversation with the bank teller and it all sounded so familiar. He wasn't sure what he needed to do with his card to get a pin number, he hadn't realized he needed a pay in slip to put cash into his account, he wasn't sure how his statements were going to work etc. All questions and issues I had to deal with when I first arrived in England and was learning how to adjust to life over here. It was so bizarre to listen now that I had become accustomed to it all.

Above all I really wanted to know why he was in morpeth of all places and where exactly he was from. Morpeth is not the most well known town in England. It's crazy how I ended up in this little place on this Island, another story really for another rainy day.

I determined that I was going to find these questions out so half distracted I fumbled my way through my conversation with the bank teller and then went to leave so I could catch him. Unfortunately he hadn't left the bank yet and had engaged a conversation with another employee as to how to change his pin and I was at a bit of a loss what I should do. I fumbled with my umbrella a bit trying to waste some time but that only lasted a couple seconds. I couldn't just stand around staring at him so I plunked myself down in front of a personal banker and asked a random question about my account. He asked for my card and began to look up the information I'd asked about. Meanwhile this foreigner had finished with his pin and was about to leave the bank and the personal banker I was talking to kept waffling on about my credit and the amount I would need to gain an overdraft on my account. The man left and my conversation continued for another good 5 minutes. Finally the personal banker made his point and I was quite relieved to get up and leave, saying a polite thank you and good bye of course. I hopped out the door of the bank and looked left and right to see where this man had gone and I couldn't see him anywhere so I just started walking, not actually thinking about what I was doing. Suddenly I spotted him! He was up near Woolworths with his black and white umbrella and just crossing the street. With my eyes on his umbrella I began to make my way up the street. He then turned into the Back Riggs shopping centre and was lost from my sight while I had to wait to cross the street. It then hit me what I was actually doing...."Oh my goodness, I'm stalking a complete stranger...I'm following them through town! What am I going to say when I catch up with him..hey I heard your accent in the bank and I'm a nosy Canadian who wanted to know where you're from!" The light turned green and the signal to cross began to beep and I walked across the street. "well, even if I don't actually talk to him, this is still kind of fun, I feel like I'm from the CSA or in a James Bond Movie, lets just go with the flow and see what happens!" I mean I figured I blended into the crowd with my black umbrella and my brown coat and I run errands around the high street all the time.

I entered the Back Riggs shopping centre and there was no sign of the man, I walked by the Health Food Store, The Post Office...I couldn't see him anywhere. The Bus Station! He must be going to get a bus! I hurried through the courtyard to the Bus Station thinking that if I missed him I would never know where he was from and my life would...well continue on the same but it didn't matter! I got to the bus station and there was no sign of him. I'd lost him! I was quite disappointed. As quickly as my espionage started it was over. I quickly came to my senses, realized I was traipsing around in the rain, getting wet and should get back to the office and do some work.

Honestly I don't know what came over me. Perhaps my overactive imagination from my childhood decided to make a reappearance, maybe it was the broody mood the weather was creating, maybe it was because I've read too many John Grisham books lately, who knows! It did make for an interesting Monday, that's for sure. I just hope that when I start making Death By Chocolate for the youth alpha tomorrow I don't start to imagine myself creating a weapon for mass destruction or anything like that, I would like it to be edible!

Fall

Fall is my favourite season.
I love Fall.
I love the colours that the leaves turn, I love the crispness that's in the air, I love wearing sweaters and scarves and mittens but not having to wear a winter coat.
I love that when I'm walking outside I can feel the wind nipping at my cheeks and I know that when I get home and get inside they'll be bright and rosy.
I love the feeling of the world changing around me and being able to see the change as it takes place.
I love that Thanksgiving is in the Fall and that it leads into my next favourite holiday of Christmas.
I love getting home on a Fall day and curling up beside a window and reading a good book, it's just not the same in the summer.
I love drinking Chai Tea Lates in the Fall.
I love the piles of leaves on the roads and being able to run through them sending them flying everywhere.
I love making piles in the backyard and then jumping in them and having leaf fights and getting bits of leaf stuck up your shirt and stuck in your hair.
I love standing under a tree when the wind is blowing and having the leaves come down all around me and when the air is full of them.
I love the example that the leaves give us, that there is beauty in sacrifice.
I am so thankful for the Fall that God has given me this year, that the weather has been so mild and that I've been able to really appreciate it this year.
I am so thankful for the work that God is doing in my life and the fact that He is a part of my life and I thank Him for the gift of Fall.

My Brother The Rock Star

This blog is a tribute to my most favourite youngest brother. He is the greatest youngest brother any sister could ever have.

He is super talented, creative and has a very kind heart. He has an amazing range of weird voices and an even bigger range of ideas for coming up to use those weird voices. He is a very deep thinker and a very creative writer. He has a heart for God.

I miss the days when we would watch Snow White together and laugh at all the wierd faces the animals in the background would make.

He is an amazing bass player. This picture is of him playing the bass with Petra in Ottawa at their farewell concert.

I love you Stephen!

Blogging on a Saturday??

'Tis a thing most unheard of for me because it means that I'm in the office at work (gasp! shock!)
Actually I quickly came in to grab something I left here last night and thought that I would check my email, then one thing led to another and well here we are.

This is really going to be a quick one though and I would just like to ask that anyone who reads this before Sunday night please pray for me as I'm speaking at our monthly youth service on the topic of holiness! Yikes!
I'm pretty excited but oober nervous at the same time!!!

I wonder if my voice will still sound like a toad tomorrow...it could be amusing!

Friday Drivel

So it's a Friday morning, oh, wait, correction, it's a Friday afternoon (it just turned 12:00) and as like most Fridays I came into work a bit later because we have an evening youth club in Pegswood. So I've come into work this morning and done a little checking of the email and a little checking of people's blogs and a little chatting with my co-worker Lisa. The chatting is a bit challenging because I've had a sore throat lately and today my voice decided to imitate that of a dying toad. It's quite amusing to answer the phone with though.

During the checking of the blogs I discovered a link that I hadn't tried on one of Tanys' posts: sloganizer.net and I thought that I'd give it a try. It was great fun and very entertaining and I think that Jenny is a great name to stick in any slogan!

So I'm at this site and I'm coming up with all sorts of interesting slogans and it's very entertaining. Here's a few the site came up with for my name...I'll be taking votes to see which is the best one starting now, please have your pin pads ready!

«Jenny, the secret of women.»
«Jenny - go for the game.»
«It must be Jenny.»
«Everyone loves Jenny.»
«You can't beat Jenny.»
«The age of Jenny.»
«Jenny it's a kind of magic.»
«Up, up and away with Jenny.»

The list continues until I stumble upon a slogan which inspires great thought:

«Jenny, the only style»

At this slogan I start to ponder a question which has stumped me over the ages or at least the last few years. What is my style? I've talked it over with Tanys a couple times and phrases like "dressy casual" and "preppy punk" have emmerged but they didn't seem to be clear enough. So, I thought then that I might visit dictionary.com and see what it says about style there, here are a few def'ns I found:

punk (pngk)n.
Slang.
A young person, especially a member of a rebellious counterculture group.
An inexperienced young man.
Music.
Punk rock.
A punk rocker.

prep·py
A student or former student of a preparatory school.
A person whose manner and dress are deemed typical of traditional preparatory schools.

Casual
suited for everyday wear or use

Glamorous
adj : having an air of allure, romance and excitement

ret·ros
A fashion, decor, design, or style reminiscent of things past.

vintage
Characterized by excellence, maturity, and enduring appeal; classic

Rocker
a fan of rock and roll music

Mod
An unconventionally modern style of fashionable dress originating in England in the 1960s.

Trendies
One who is drawn to and represents the latest trends

There are so many! Perhaps too many! Anyway just some random thoughts that arose from some internet Malarky...

...what's your style?

miscellaneous

A brief debriefing of a coupe things that are notably exciting for me:

I was able to celebrate Thanksgiving in England. Turkey!!! I had a thanksgiving meal with the family I'm living with and a few friends and...I even baked a pumpkin pie! Sophie and Francesca went out and collected some leaves for me and I made leaf chains to decorate the cubboards and I made a ring of leaves originally as a centrepiece but I ended up wearing it on my head! It was very festive and Thanksgiving-like.

Also,

I'm coming home for Christmas!! YAY!

(more details on my comings and goings soon)

The Hitch Hikers Guide To England

It's always the same, rarely is there any variety in the questions I get asked when people ask me about Canada. The conversations usually go something like this:

"Are you from America?"
"No, I'm from Canada actually"
"Oh where in Canada are you from?"
"Well, my family lives in Ottawa but I've spent the last few years in Saskatchewan"
"Is that on the West coast?"
"No, it's right in the middle"
"Oh I see, I've been to Canada before!"
"Really where have you been?...They are so going to say Toronto...wait for it..."
"Tornoto"
"....I told you so!"
"So what's the biggest difference between Canada and England?"

And usually at this point I have to explain that there isn't really one BIG difference between our countries but so many little ones that add up to a big difference.
Then I'm usually asked:

"Oh really? Like what?"

So I'm going to list as many as I can think of in the next 15 minutes before I have to leave for Peg-It!
(It is the end of the day so some of the list may be a tad bit exagerated :) )

1. In England they drive on the left side of the road, in Canada it's the right side.
2. The currency is pounds sterling in England, in Canada it's dollars.
3. The cottage cheese is rubbish in England, in Canada it's lush
4. Peanut butter is also sadly low quality in England, in Canada it's mint
5. In England it rains, in Canada it snows
6. On English keyboards the @ sign is where the " sign is on Canadian keyboards and visa versa
7. In England most fast food restaurants cater for vegetarians, in Canada they don't
(I'm sorry Lisa and Kerri!)
8. In England the kids at schools have to wear school uniforms, in Canada they don't
9. In England a private school means a public school and a public school means a private school, in Canada a private school means a private school and a public school means a public school. They also have state schools which is the same as a Canadian public school.
10. In England the principal is called the head master
11. In England people have an accent, in Canada they don't (although that's all realtive I'm sure)
12. In England they have castles, in Canada we have....no castles
13. England is...a bazillion years old, Canada is about 150 (I think)
14. In England everything is small, in Canada everything is big
15. England has a land mass of "very tiny" with a lot of people, Canada has a land mass of "massive" and not so many people
16. In England the pop bottles are tall and skinny, in Canada they are short and fat
17. In England the movie theatre is called the cinnema, in Canada it's the movie theatre
18. In England, when you are throwing a party and want a lot of chips (I mean crisps) you have to buy like a dozen bags in order to have the same amount you would be able to get from 3 Canadaian bags.
19. In England everyone drinks tea, in Canada everyone drinks coffee (okay that's a bit of a stero type but I do get asked if I want some tea at least 3 times a day)
20. In England the pastors all go for a pint after a good Godly service, in Canada they don't
21. In England they think that we sound the same as Americans, in Canada we know better.
22. In England football is the major sport, in Canada it's hockey (Ice Hockey to be exact!)
23. In England they play cricket, in Canada we have more sense!
24. In England they sing the hokey pokey as the hokey cokey...what is up with that?
25. In England they have a load of chippys where you can buy fish and chips, we don't in Canada.
26. In England to switch a light on you flip the switch down, in Canada you flip it up
27. In England everyone has radiators in their houses, in Canada we have furnaces
28. In England the plugs have 3 tongs, in Canada we have 2.
29. In England some of the houses have names, in Canada they are all numbers
30. In England the paper is taller and skinnier than the paper in Canada.

Right that's enough for now, really I could go on forever though!

I'm off to our youth club, where I will no doubt once again get asked by at least 1 youth where I'm from and how Canada is different to England!

Ta-Ta and Cheerio!

Pick a Career, any Career!

Lately I have been reviewing my life, a very deep and meaningful process full of the endless possibilities of options that I have before me...or not! Well, not that I don't have options, the world is my oyster after all right? (I never really did understand that metaphor...anyone care to explain?) but, that reminds me, have any of you ever taken any of those career aptitude test things? Where they ask you all about yourself and then tell you that the ideal job for you would be to become a professional lawn bowler, or in my case a choreographer. Hey! I know! I could teach people the choreography of falling down the stairs properly or in a very extravagant manner. Perfect! I could then implement it into some sort of dating service...how to attract the attention of the man/woman you fancy by nearly breaking your neck! I could make a decent chunk of cash off of that. Like I said I have endless opportunities before me.

Really though, I've been given a list of some questions to ponder about my year with The Mustard Tree Trust which I am to discuss with a Trustee in a week and they are very thought provoking. The one question that is stumping me and has really been a bit of a thorn in my side since high school is "What are your longer term career interests and ambitions?" The honest answer to that is I DON'T KNOW...but I really feel like I should.

Oh *sigh* am I really at this place again?

The Mustard Tree Trust: Extemporaneous Extroidanaire

extemporaneous: Carried out or performed with little or no preparation; impromptu

extraordinaire: French, from Old French, from Latin extrardinrius. See extraordinary

extraordinary: Highly exceptional; remarkable: an extraordinary achievement.

(can you tell what website I went to over my lunch today?)

Last night we held our youth alpha meal. It did not go at all the way it was originally planned, in fact it was a potential disaster but it was turned around miraculously and maybe even for the better. When I got into work this morning Lisa was telling me how she'd opened her bible last night andread "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21 How very fitting for what occurred last night!

The meal started at 6:30 and was being held at The Premier Chinese Restaurant in Morpeth. Lisa and I headed down to the church to print off some more forms for the youth to fill out regarding the alpha course and then made our way to the restaurant. We were running a bit late because we'd been having some technical difficulties with the printer. (GRRRRRR to technology! It's one of those things that goes down sweet but is bitter in the stomach, but I'll get on that soap box and rant on aIother pIst perhaps) We arrived at the restaurant about 10 minutes late to find a massive crowd of youth, speckled with some adults and youth leaders, standing on the street outside waiting. I quickly moved to find Mike and ask where exactly we were meant to be going and he said "nowhere! It's cancelled!" I'm pretty sure that is the exact moment a massive dose of adrenaline was released that continued flowing freely throughout the rest of the evening. In short there had been a miscommunication with booking the restaurant. They thought we meant the 2nd Sunday in October and we had said Sunday, October 2nd, therefore they were not prepared to feed us!

In a flash the youth were directed to New Life and crowded the sanctuary as we took our plan of action from there. I am so grateful for all the help we had. We would not have been able to work everything out had it not been for the amazing youth leaders and adults we had show up to support the meal. We ended up taking orders for fish and chips and ordered in a truck load of pizzas and the youth were as happy as could be. There were a few odd complaints but the majority of them were in great spirits and had great attitudes and managed to have a great time. The evening went as planned with Mike, Lisa and I sharing our testimonies about how Christianity has impacted our lives and Jesus has made a different and we had a good number say that they would be returning to attend the course on Tuesday evenings.

It went really well. It was one of those situations where God says "I'm just going to remind you who's actually in control of things here" not in a rude way, but just in the Sovereign way that God works.

Anyway that's my tale for today. That, and the fact that my pens keep disappearing! It's very frustrating! I think that there must be a pen gobbler that works in cahoots with washing machines that steel socks!

The Conquering of the Worrel Bank
and other tales by Jenny Mosher

For over a year now it has existed in my life, sometimes recognized, other times forgotten. Silently it has beckoned me, called me, taunted me, dared me. I have heard tales of how it has broken others, how it has struck dread into their hearts as they were forced to face it on foot, two wheels, and even four. I have only ever watched from a window I've never had to be the one to actually engage in combat. Once it nearly defeated a friend as she was already in 5th gear when she started to climb. I am talking about the Worrel Bank.

Those of you who live in Morpeth know what I'm talking about, for those of you who don't, the Worrel Bank is a particularly large and ferocious breed of hill. It lies between Morpeth and Pegswood and anyone who has had to make the journey in between is forced to face this monstrosity. From a car this trip is decievingly simple, especially when traveling downhill, but when faced with climbing up it either on a bike or on foot it is especially daunting.

My tale really begins when I was in grade 4 attending school at Burntwood Elementary School in Thompson, Manitoba. I would have been 9 years old then. One day an announcement was made over the P.A. system saying that the tryouts for the Knights of Columbus would begin after school and on this particular day the tryouts were for the 300m run. I had just moved to Thompson the summer before grade 4 started for me so I was a rookie in this town and I had no idea what the Knights of Columbus were, but, since everyone in my class seemed to be going I went along as well. We met in the basement of our school where we had an underground track made of ashphalt. I remember it seeming so big when I was 9, but since revisiting at the age of 17 I realised that it was indeed very small. Tryouts began and I was told to run a certain number of laps around the track and that I would be timed. No sweat! I was always pretty active and always came out on top when we had fitness testing in gym class, I could do this. And I did. I really had no idea exactly what I did, only that I did well and came in first. I was then told that I would be running for the school at a city wide track meet called the Knights of Columbus and that I would be running in the 300m run. The track meet came and I ran and placed 4th which meant that I didn't win a medal but that was the beginning of my passion for running.

From then on I compteted in every Knights of Columbus track meet, most years as a student of Deerwood Elementary School since we moved shortly after grade 4. I managed to become one of the top runners in the 300m run and placed 2nd every year with Ladonna Waldner from Westwood Elementary always placing 1st, a very worthy opponent. (Ladonna, wherever you are, I miss you and wish you the best in everything life has for you!)

In grade 7 I managed to get my best time ever in just under one minute and I was asked to attend the Boeing Games in Winnipeg. I won two bronze medals at this meet and proudly brought them home.
I continued on in the wonderful sport of running throughout highschool until grade 10. Grade 10 was a very hard year for me as I was searching for my identity. I was having a tough time with my church youth group and I found more acceptance from my friends at school and so for a time I decided to put my faith on hold. Luckily God never writes us off even though we write Him off sometimes and He brought me safely through that time and I'm still going strong in my relationship with Him. But, because of the rough time I went through as well as a desire to not repeat it and track and field had taken me on many weekends away from my youth group I decided to sacrifice it in grade 11. Instead I became the missions co-ordinator for my youth group and in grade 12 the secretary for our youth group executive.

Even though I had officially given up track and field at school, the passion for running still coursed thick through my veins. In grade 12 I decided to try to start going for runs before school. I had only short distance when I was in track and thought I would see how I could hold up with long distance running. We lived on the treeline and so there were many trails behind our house which were perfect for cross country running. It started with only going for 10 minute runs. I remember after the first few times thinking that I would absolutely die! I'd reach home and be sweating up a storm, panting, and have cramps in my stomache...I loved it!

Some people ask why on earth I would enjoy running. Well not only is it a great way to get exercise but I love the feeling of running. I love the sense of accomplisment after having gone for a run. I love the time to just be me, on my own and think about life and sometimes just sweat out the stress of life. I love the time to take in my surroundings and marvel at God's creation. I love that it's something that I have to work for. I love the feeling of energy that I get from running and the sense of freedom, like nothing can touch me and in the busy, busy lives that we create for ouselves I love the time to just get away from everything and be me. To think what I want, go where I want, to just stop and be if I want. Ok, I'll accept the fact that I may sound like a flake, but it's something that I love. Perhaps it's in my makeup, when God put me together in my mother's womb he said "and she's gonna love running." Above all there is also the comparasion between living for God and running that is made in the bible:

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us"

I find that many times when I'm running I think of these words and I think about my life and I'm encouraged to keep going. No matter what kind of situations I'm facing, keep running. No matter how lousy I feel, keep running. On days that I feel great, keep running the race for Jesus and never give up.

I'm afraid that after high school I never fully managed to continue running. Throuhgout the years I have had spurts and phases where I've tried to get back into it. I've amazed myself many times at the distance I can work my way up to. My last year spent in Morpeth there were a few months where it again made an appearance in my life but it was soon squashed out by the amount of work I was doing and the lack of sleep I was getting. However, this summer, while I was back home in Ottawa I managed to pick it up again which brings me back into my story about the Worrel Bank...

...I arrived back into Morpeth, a good solid month of running and having worked up to about 5km behind me, determined to continue on. Anna Hatch, who I currently live with, suggested to me some good routes. One about 4.5 miles the other 5 miles. The route that was 5 miles also included running up the Worrel Bank. I did not think I was ready at all. I had only been running flat distances and had no experience with hills. Still, my appetite was whetted. I set out steadily building up my endurance on the 4.5 mile run steadily approaching the day when I would set out to conquer my foe. It was hard work. Although shorter, the route which I was running was far from flat. England is known for it's rolling hills and although there weren't too many, there was a rather nasty piece of slope-age that I had to run up. I worked on this route for 3 weeks. After two, I was able to run it straight without stopping but I ran the extra week to make sure I was good and ready.
I woke up this morning and decided today was the day! I would conquer the Worrel Bank. I set out, slightly nervous. Would I be able to do it? Would I have to stop half way up to walk the rest of the way? Would I succomb to the hungary jaws of this incline or would I be able to master it? Slowly but surely I set my pace. Reliant K was the music of choice in my discman and as the beat started my feet began to scrape the pavement, I began to run. Before long it loomed up before me, my eyes trailed the road as it increased in height and sloped around the corner, my throat was feeling dry and scratchy and I had to remind myself to breath. One foot after the other I plodded ahead, it was now or never. My feet reached the base and I didn't slow down. Slowly I began moving upwards. Traffic was shooting by and the vehicles made the ground vibrate and the air roar as if the bank itself was enraged by my presence. I kept moving forward. My legs started to tighten as the muscles in my thighs began to tire. I kept moving forward. I was half way up and things were going well. I wasn't out of breath and although my muscles were tight, they were not siezing up. A biker passed me going the opposite direction, I thought about what he'd have to face on the way back. Then suddenly I saw it! The top! I was almost there. A surge of adrenaline was realeased and in a rush I quickened my pace. I was going to do it! I did do it! I made it to the top and in the joy of my victory I continued running. I ran the whole 5 miles and got back home within 45 minutes! I was estatic. I set out to achieve a goal and I did it. It was very rewarding.

I do not know if I will be choosing that route every time I go for a run now but it does hold a special place with me. The Worrel Bank no longer seems as intimidating. In fact would compare it to meeting someone for the first time, someone who intimidates you. Someone who you see and think "gosh! Look at them! I could never just go up and say hi to them!" but as you get to know them you realise that they're a very easy going and friendly person. Although they appear to be one way on the outside, inside they are very different. That is what the Worrel Bank is like. It's very intimidating but once you get past that initial awkwardness you realise you've made a friend for life.

I hope to one day run a marathon, in fact I've said that I'd like to do it before I'm 30. There is also the Great North Run here in England. Maybe if I end up sticking around one day I'll attempt that. It's very true that you can do anything that you set your mind to. A quote that is even more dear to my heart is this:

"I can do everything through him who gives me strength" Phillippians 4:13

Priceless

You know, blogs are funny things. When I write them I can never really get past the feeling that I should be writing in newsletter style, letting everyone know the doings of my life in a very general and objective way. If I'm going to write about something personal I always find that I try to write it in a sermon/story type of way. It's hard to try and write the real me, but there is so much of the real me that I could share. I always have so many thoughts, emotions, and experiences I could write about but I'm always a bit hesitant about how real to make everything because that would be exposing myself completely. There is always a bit of an auto-guard that kicks in when I write that tries to edit everything into a nice neat package to put on display. Sometimes I'm afraid that the moments that I really cherish and think are precious will be watered down and not shared in the same way if I were to share them with everyone. Sometimes I'm afraid that they will become less precious if everyone knew about them, the same way that gold's value would decrease if everyone had loads and loads of it. Sometimes I want to save them to share with people who I really value and who really put in a effort to get to know me, that way I know that they won't be wasted and they'll really want to hear what I have to say. And what about the not so nice things, the things that are ugly and coarse? Would people be able to handle the truth of those things without thinking my life is falling apart? For example here is a bit from my journal on monday:

I'm having a bad day. It's one of those days where I'm finding life hard. I am outside my home country, I do not have very many friends and sometimes it seems like work just consumes my life. It's just a bad day. I have them, everybody has them, they happen. And as much as I'd like to be able to tell everyone around me to back off, would they understand? Yes, it happens to Christians, am I not allowed to have a day where I'm grumpy? I hope tomorrow is better, I'm sure it will be. I do not want anyone to fix anything for me or to be like "poor Jenny" or think I need a load of prayer. I mean prayer is good, but I do not want it out of pity, I want it out of support. I just feel like being able to tell everyone that I'm having a bad day without them thinking that it must be just because I'm homesick and feeling sorry for me and the sacrifice I must have made to come over. It's not about that at all. It's just that it's not a very good day. Why can't people just accept that sometimes?

Sometimes I'm even afraid to journal moments for myself because I don't think that I'll be able to fully capture what the moment held. Like the times when the Holy Spirit whispers in your ear how much He loves you and how much He's rooting for you to succeed when things are hard, or even just because. Or when you're feeling ovewhelmed and you sense His loving arms wrapped around you tight reminding you that He's holding you. Or just when something little in your day makes you smile and He whispers how much He loves it when you smile. How can I put into words the beauty of those experiences? I can't. How can I put into words the reality of those experiences? I can't. And sometimes I think that's why it's so hard when people ask me "how do I know God is real?" Because I can't put into words those moments that I treasure so much that I would put all my faith in a God I cannot see. Of course there are the tangible things, the situations that have come about miraculously out of faith that I can share but they are not what I'm living for. I'm living for those moments that cannot be put into words, that I will not even know fully until I am in Heaven face to face with Jesus. I'm living for the real-ness that even I can't understand.

1 Corinthians 13:12 Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

Subservient Chicken

This morning as we were planning for an assembly I was flipping through a youth work magazine for some ideas and I stumbled upon an article that gave some cool websites. The Subservient Chicken website happened to be one of them and with such an interesting appeal I just had to check it out for myself. I mean the amusement coming from typing commands for a man dressed in a chicken suit and watching him perform to your every whim could last for hours! Anyway I figured that my since my research into youth resources was so successful I should share it with you all: www.subservientchicken.com Have fun!

ps - there is an actual object lesson that can be taken from this website. It could be used as a very good example of obedience and freedom. Just thought I'd let you know.

JMo out.

Another..

Another Monday, another weekend past,
Another early morning, from the shower another cold blast,
Another high school assembly, and another this coming pm
Another collective gasp at my accent, and another again and again,
Another blog on the computer, another water in my cup
Another meeting in an hour, and another soon after I sup
Another day that is cloudy, another day that is grey
Another day to sigh and feel mundane, another day, another day, another day...yet,
Another breath full of opportunities, another day in which I can recieve a gift,
Another way to praise my Saviour, another way to show an act of love in how I live

Smile

Yay! After I wrote my last post we went to do an after school club at a first school and I was sitting on the side while Mike was doing his assembly first and one of the teachers came and sat down beside me and said to me "I just have to comment on your posture! It's lovely! Do you do yoga or pilates or something?" I guess I'm not completely hopeless yet! To borrow the phrase from a dear friend " it made my heart glow!"

Posture:

1. A characteristic way of bearing one's body; carriage: stood with good posture.
2. A frame of mind affecting one's thoughts or behavior; an overall attitude.


I think that my good posture is starting droop.
I used to get compliments all the time on how I had such good posture. I remember one time when I was in a Walmart McDonalds with my brother and while we were eating one of the workers came over and explaimed that I must be a piano player because my back was so straight when I sat. It was always something I was kind of proud of. Anyway, I think that I've started to slack off and slouch all the time and I don't like it. For one thing my back starts to get sore because of it and it makes me think that I don't have as much stamina as I used to. Also, I don't want to be someone who has what I like to call the "terredactal" neck when I get older.

I think sometimes spiritually I can very much start to slouch as well because life can just become a bit too heavy on my shoulders. It's like when I was in high school and I had a picture at Hard Core Prayer one night. Hard Core Prayer was on Thursday evenings at my church and it was just an hour in the evening for youth to come and pray at the church. I was sitting on the floor at the front of the church not really praying but just sitting with God and I saw a road which I was walking down and I had a back pack on my shoulders. Sometimes while I was walking I'd see a little pebble in my way and I'd pick it up and put it in my bag. It was so little that I hardly noticed it and as I found these pebbles I just kept collecting them and putting them in my back pack. But, eventually, the bag began to grow heavy with all these little pebbles and it started to weigh me down and my back started to slump but I just kept picking them up. Finally I just couldn't walk anymore and I started to cry because it was so heavy. Then Jesus came and He took the bag from me, emptied it and I was able to walk on again.

The little pebbles were situations/problems in life that I didn't think were too big and figured I could just handle on my own. And as these situations kept coming and I just kept handling them on my own the more they all just weighed down on my shoulders until I was carrying this huge burdon that I had to have Jesus lift off my back. The thing is that God doesn't want us to wait until we have a huge burdon, He wants to handle every little situation in our lives. I don't have to pick up the little pebbles. It's hard though isn't it? I mean I'm someone who likes to be able to be in control and do things, but really I guess there's no freedom in that, that's the attitude that causes me to get weary and burdoned.

I guess ultimately it's about surrender. The more that I bow down and give my life to God the more I'm free to stand up and walk with good posture.

Hello my name is _____ and I have an addiction...

...well, no, not really, I just thought that it sounded like a catchy title. I do not nearly straighten my hair as much as I used to. I used to have a routine where every Friday after school I'd come home and straighten my hair before youth group and it used to be the only way I ever did my hair when it was down. Later on I realised that wavy hair could be worked with and there was such a thing as a diffuser which is equally as great as the straightner, although I don't know if I'm as affectionate about it.

I was first introduced to the hair straightner when I was just 16 years old, it was during a night of teenage girliness and beautifying at my friend Leanne's. My hair was straightened for the first time and I fell in love. Where had this device, that had the ability to turn my frizzy, puffy hair into soft sleekness, been all my life? --I'm sorry, I have the ability to go off on tangents of verbal rambling sometimes...there is a point for my reminicsing though I promise!

I'm living with a family this year while I'm in England and they have two girls ages 12 and 15. I'm having a great time living with them and I'm really enjoying the girls' company. I never had sisters, just 3 brothers, and I'm enjoying the experience. Anyway, a couple days ago Sophie, the 15 year old asked me if I would straighten her hair for her and I was more than happy to do it. I really do like doing people's hair and all that kind of girly stuff, I really think it's so much fun and love blessing people with anything like that. We had a great time and I felt like I got to know her a little more through it. When she came home from school and told me that everyone kept complimenting her on her hair I was totally thrilled.

I know it was just a little thing but sometimes when you can do a little thing that you really enjoy for someone else it really blesses you. I don't know if I'm getting across the meaning of what I'm really trying to say...but yeah, I know what I mean.

Airport Madness

Hello, well I'm back in England! Things have been a bit of a whirlwind these past few days as I've been rather jet-lagged and was back in the office on Monday. It looks like this year is going to be a pretty full on already as we booked in 8 high school assemblies yesterday....8!! They're all this month as well, yeesh! Hopefully I can muster up some creativity despite the fog in my brain.

My flight over went really well. It wasn't that long, only about 6 1/2 hours total with a stop in Halifax. It seemed to go by really fast. I had a bit of an adventure before I boarded the plane though. It goes something like this:

After a rather emotional and tearful good bye with my parents I made it through security and headed towards my gate. It took me a bit to get there because I kept turning around to wave good bye to my parents who were watching from the floor above through the glass. Eventually I got to gate 14 and sat down. I looked around and took in the people who were going to be on my flight with me. A pretty average crowd I figured it'd be a pretty regular flight. I then had a lady approach me and ask me "is your last name Smith?" ( She didn't really say Smith but I can't remember the actual name she used.) I let her know that it wasn't my last name and she went on to say "oh, I'm supposed to find a young girl traveling alone who's last name is Smith, you're sure you're not her?" I assured her that it was not me and she smiled and left. I thought it was a bit funny since the last time that I flew to the UK I had a guy ask me if I was Michelle from Timmins, Ontario and if I had gone to the same high school as him.

Anyway, I looked at my watch and realized that I still had about an hour left before the plane was supposed to leave and I was way to ansy to sit still and wait. So, I decided that I would go and get a bottle of water and maybe try to find a book because I had not brought either with me for the flight. I picked up my bags and headed back down to the Relay store to poke around. I found the water easy enough but it took a few minutes for me to browse through the books. I was debating whether or not to get a John Grisham book when I saw "The No.1 Ladies Detective Agency" and I remembered my mom telling me that it was a very good book. I picked it up and headed to the counter to pay but there was a bit of a dilemma. The store's interact machine was on the blink (not working, but those who read my Canadian/English Dictionary would know that) and the girl working the till didn't know what to do. She ended up getting on the phone and as all this was happening I was realizing that the minutes were quickly slipping by and that my plane would soon be boarding. I decided just to drop it and I had to leave without my water or my book. I was pretty disappointed.

As I was walking back to gate 14 something of interest caught my eye, a currency exchange, and in a flash a thought process coursed through my brain. It went something kinda like this:

"hmmmm don't have any Canadian cash but I do have some British Pounds with me, if I was to exchange a few pounds I would have enough Canadian cash to go back and buy my water and my book. But would it take a long time to exchange? No, I don't think so it's pretty fast...the question is how much time do I have before I have to get on the plane? Well maybe I'll just look around the corner and see what the status is..."

So I looked around the corner and the seats surrounding the gate area were completely empty and everyone had joined a line to board and there were only about 35 people left to get onto the plane. My brain started whirring again:

"YIKES! I didn't realize that they'd started boarding, what do I do? Common sense would tell me to just forget it and join the line, but I really want some water and a book and there is still a chance. If I run I could have time...do i do it or not? If I keep standing here trying to decide I'm wasting precious time to actually go and get the book so what do I do? Right I'm just gonna go for it!"

I dashed back to the currency exchange and asked the man to change my British Pounds for me - I think he thought I was a bit odd converting back to Canadian since it was obvious I was leaving but he did it anyway. As soon as I had my cash I ran back down to the Relay store and made it to the counter just in front of someone else who was about to pay for something. I asked the woman if she had put my book and water away yet and said breathlessly that I had cash. My adrenaline was really pumping and my hands were shaking trying to get the change for her. All of a sudden I heard them announce the final boarding call for my flight and another surge of adrenaline was released as I said "don't worry about the change, I have to go!!" ( She was counting it out sooooo slowly. She insisted that I take my 30 cents so I grabbed it causing a few coins to fly loose, and charged back down towards gate 14 making it just in time with only 5 people ahead of me in the line! My heart was absolutely pounding and by the time I got to my seat I was very hot and sweaty but very triumphant!

I sat down on my seat with a sense of the risk I'd taken as well as deep satisfaction that I'd accomplished what I'd set out to do. I also noticed there was a large lump that I was sitting on. I stood up to find that the lovely people on Zoom Airlines had provided me with a bottle of water for my journey.

That was very sweet of them but my race was still justified because they had not provided me with a book.

Jenny's English/Canadian Dictionary

The countdown is on! Only 3 more days until I leave Canada to head back to the lovely UK. I have most of my stuff sorted, I just need to repack my suitcases and make sure I can get everything back in, hopefully my boxes of kraft dinner will fit!

Anyway, in honour of my departure back to "jolly ol' England" I thought I'd post a list of English words that were different to the Canadian language. I kept this list while I was in England last year. I ended up stopping not too long after I started because there were just tooo many words! Some people who I've talked to since I've been back were asking to see it so here it is, posted for the public to view. Maybe one day I can start my own dictionary website...that would be very cool! Ace even!

I'm not sure if I will have another post on my blog before I leave or when the next time I'll be able to post will be so until next time....watch this space!

If there are any words that are confusing just let me know and I will try my best to clarify.

I apologize to any English people if I have any errors in the meanings of the words. My sources of consultation whilst compiling the list were: Mike Willis, Lisa Holt, Steve Belleguelle and Heather Belleguelle. You may take any grievances up with them. They are all citizens of the United Kingdom.

*the grouping of phrases at the end of the list is cockney rhyming slang. Some of you may have seen the movie Oceans 11 where the English dude says "otherwise we'll be in Barney" that's cockney rhyming slang for trouble. These phrases are used in the English language in England, believe it or not. During one of the kids clubs I was helping at last year one of the little boys pointed to Mike and said "he's telling porkies!" which means lies because porky pie = lie. That's basically how it works. Hopefully it's not too confusing

Jenny's list of English words:

ace = cool
bedlam = madness, chaos, hectic
berk = idiot etc.
billy no mates = loner
bin = Garbage Can
bitty = lots of little things "i had a bitty week, lots of errands"
blimey! = gosh, wow, etc
bloke = guy
blue peter = scoutish charity "that's very blue peter"(hand made, crafty-ish)
blue peter badge = what you get for doing something home made-ish or helping charity etc.
bonnet = hood of the car
boon = a bonus, blessing etc.
boot = trunk of the car
brew = tea or coffee
brilliant = awesome
bumped off = killed, done away with
bunking off = skiving, not doing any work,
bush telegraph = jungle drums, grapevine "we'll put it through the bush telegraph"
camp = femmy
canny = good, (a canny day), sweet, cute, polite, "he's canny"
cheap = morally loose
cheeky = someone who gives a bit of lip in a friendly way, sarcastic, a joker
chippy = fish & chips restaurant
chips = fries
chucked = dumped
chuffed = extremely pleased, satisfied
clarty = mucky (or sh*t)
clever ducky = smart alec
codger = an older person
comes a cropper = hurt yourself, situation didn't go to plan, an object broke it "came a cropper"
copping off = making out
cotton Buds = Q tips
crackers = crazy, nuts
cracking = good "cracking good day for a....."
crisps =chips
crumbs = golly! Gosh
cuppa = tea
do your nut = go crazy
does my nut in = drives me crazy
dodgy = suspicious, shady, iffy
doing (done, do) yourself a mischeif = hurting yourself
faffing = fooling around, nit picking
fag = cigarette
fit = hot
gaffer = the boss, refers to football manager
grasser = a tattle tale, someone who spills on everyone else
git - an annoying mean person, grumpy old so & so
gooseberry = 3rd wheel, spare part
gutted = choked/extreme disappointment
heaving = crowded
jelly = jello
jungle drums = the grapevine "jungle drums've been working" (I've heard something about you)
knackered = totally wiped out and exausted
knocked up = put together (I knocked up a sandwich for you)
loo = toilet
lorry = Semi
manic = chaotic
mank = disgusting
mates = friends
minger = someone who's really gross
minging = gross/disgusting
mint = cool
more-ish = something you want more of...that's addicting (chocolate is very more-ish)
motor way = highway
mulled wine = wine that has mulled spices (cinnimon, nutmeg, spiced fruits) boiled in a pan and had at christmas
naff = no good
naught = zero (0.3 = naught point three)
norman no friends = a loner
numpty = dummy, idiot, plonker
on the blink = not working "the phone is on the blink"
peckish = hungry
persnickety = pays close attention to little details...is consumed by them
plonker = idiot
poof = gay
prat = idiot "he was a right prat!"
pratish = idiotic "that was a pratish thing to do"
proper = real/authentic/the right way
pudding = dessert
row = fight, argument, a good yell.
sarnie = sandwich
scrounger = someone who always mooches and doesn't pay back. "on the scrounge"
shattered = tired, wiped out
shocking = something really bad, acting on a show was terrible is shocking.
skank = disgusting, someone on "too posh to wash"
skatty = scatterbrained, running around with your head cut off...etc.
skiver = slacker, not doing any work, skiving
skuzzy = disgusting, someone who's skuzzy.
slag = slut
snap! = same here!
snogging = making out
sorted = worked out "have you gotten everything sorted/worked out?"
sussed = sorted, worked out
swot = book nerd, teachers pet
taking the Mick = making fun, teasing
talent = "they've got talent" hot, fit
tart = someone who dresses like slag doesn't mean you are one though, good insult for a guy who's obsessed with his hair etc.
tartin yourself up = getting all dolled out
tea = supper
tip = dump "my rooms a bit of a tip"
tip ex = white out
tosh = rubbish, bull sh*t, load of crap.
trapping = making out
twee = sickly girly (shirly temple)
watch this space! = get ready somethings coming
what is he like? = who does that...etc.
winge = moan, gripe, wine
yonks = ages, forever, a long time

*Cockney Rhyming Slang

2 in 8 = you’re a state
Apple pie = eye
Apples & pears = stairs
Barney rubble = trouble
Creamed crackers = knackered
Dog & bones = phone
Porky pie = lie
Tit for tat = hat

A Night On the Town

I went into Ottawa with my friend Amber tonight. We left with the intention of going to see a movie but decided not to. First of all when we pulled into the parking lot we noticed that Jacob Connexion was still open. How could we resist? After about half an hour of poking around and trying things on we left empty handed, semi-sad that we had nothing new to take away with us, semi-empowered that we had enough will power to say "we don't need anything!" We then sauntered over to the theatre to see the movies and showtimes but by this time it was 8:45 and most of the earlier showings had passed. Our choices were down to The Cave or The Constant Gardener. I did not want to see The Cave, I am a wuss and I will admit it, even though Amber tried hard I didn't cave in ( ha ha). It looked like it was down to the Constant Gardener but I just didn't feel that I knew enough about it to go and watch it yet so we decided to go in and ask the theatre staff about it. You'd think that they would know about the movies for people who have inquiries but the girl,who was chewing her gum quite loudly and blowing bubbles, (some that I know would say "dirty habbit!") pointed us to a sign instead. It wasn't at all helpful and didn't give us anymore insight into the movie so we decided that we'd blow it all and just go to Starbucks instead.

We walked down the row of shops to Starbucks discussing the current state of South Keys. Apparantly it isn't the safest place at night but we decided to just go ahead and walk anyway, the stores were all still open. We got to Starbucks and ended up passing some pretty weird characters. There was one who was just outside Starbucks sitting at an outdoor table, with his knees up on his chair, long scraggly hair, rocking forwards and backwards muttering to himself with a malcious grin on his face, staring at us as we walked by...I was a bit creeped out but we ended up sitting outside anyway. My friend Amber has no fear. After a brief dilema with our drinks we both had a flavoured soy milk and sat outside and talked, the whole time with the weirdo at the other end of the patio. I was glad to leave when we did and even brave Amber was thinking this guy was a bit nuts.

We got back home and went on the swings in the park. We weren't there for too long when a band of youth with beers and cigarettes came along the path. They saw us and struck up a conversation. The guys thought my name was hilarious and started singing "I'm just Jenny, just Jenny from the swings". They asked us what we were doing and we said "being six again" they thought this was hilarious and that we were super cool. One guy told us his name was Josh and they carried onto the jungle gym and every so often I'd hear "hey Jenny from the swing, how's it going?" It was pretty interesting, they were harmless enough but we decided that they were getting too loud and we couldn't hear each other talking anymore so decided to go home.

Anyway, that was my evening! One of the more exciting nights since I've been home. I'm glad that we didn't go see a movie, it's nicer to catch up with old friends via conversation and not through the big screen. You also have more chances of having adventures on your own instead of watching other peoples and can create your own memories.

To Burn..or Not to Burn...THAT is the question!

In our ever increasing day of technology I am often faced with the same dilema over and over and over...do I burn cd's or not? Where do I stand morally on this issue, as someone who does not have a lot of money to buy all the cd's I'd like to own, and with it being labled illegal piracy?

What do you think?

Kraft-ed Single

The other day I was thinking about marriage, it's hard not to when the majority of people I know these days seem to be getting hitched! I was able to make it to 2/5 weddings this summer and there are at least another 3 this year coming up that I know of! To be a 22 year old Christian who is single seems to be extraordinarily weird.

Since I've been home I've received comments such as: "you're not married yet??? That's unbelievable!", "have you found a husband yet?", and my personal favorite so far would have to be "Jenny you're such a pretty girl...I don't understand why don't you have a boyfriend!"

It's not like I don't want to be married and have all the fun stuff that comes with it you know, someone to share life with, the "ooohs" and "awwwws" over a huge engagement ring, and all that other stuff. I would be lying if I said that I didn't think about it every once in a while, I mean, c'mon now, I am human and a girl and I don't know of any girl who NEVER thinks about her wedding day. I can SIGH and wish with the worst of them!

The thing is that people look at being single as a bad thing and I don't really think that it is! I mean we weren't born married and everyone has managed as far as they have (or did) without getting married. If I wasn't single I don't think that I would've been able to do as much stuff as I have done so far in life. I think that I've had an amazing adventure with God so far! I've traveled, I led a 6 month, young adult mission team at the age of 20 ( I'm still digesting that year) and I'm currently living in England working with youth and I love my job. It's been so much fun and I haven't been alone at all on the journey at all. Just because I'm single it doesn't mean I'm lonely. I have met amazing friends and people who I would call part of my family who have blessed me and supported me and who I've been able to have plain ol' immature fun with. In Genesis when God created everything he said it wasn't good for man to be alone, but he didn't say that it's not good to not be married.

I am looking forward to that day because I think it will be great, I'm pretty sure one day I'll arrive there, I really do hope so, but in the meantime I'm not going to look at myself as crippled or only half as good as someone who's married. I'm at a different stage in life but it doesn't mean that God is with me less now. I am always meant to be fulfilled by my Father in heaven whether I'm single or married. I was crafted single for a reason and while I am, I'm going to do my best to be content with life and enjoy every day and love God with all my heart, mind and strength.
And when I get married I'm going to do the same!

Myself

I found this in a one of my old journals. I wrote it just before I left for England last August.

myself
underneath
bitter resolve
shaky
crumbling
fragile, hurting, exhausted
ancient walls
emotional traditions
rusted locks, dominating, hindering, stopping...Frustrated
powerless
generational insecurities
brokenness
....the cry! Between cracks...."from deep to deep"
light!
Hope!
steady...steadfast
spreading
transforming
victorious
strong
unbreakable, Rock solid
truth
security
Love! Love! Love! Love!
..."covers a multitude of sins!"...Loved!
forgiveness
acceptance
new
completely new!
..."the old has gone!"...
..."forget the former!"... Righteous
change
invisible
blinding
evident
cleansing
purifying
refreshing
peace
rest
..."lay down your burdens"...
comfort
encompassing
enduring
endearing
lovely
beautiful
rejoice!
yours!
mine!
all!
...His
Him
..."I am my Beloved's and He is mine..."
life
forever
abundantly
no end.

Guts

They say that if you have cats, one way to tell that they actually like you, is through the amount of presents they leave on your doorstep. Presents being small prey that they've caught while they've been out on the prowl.

My cats must really love me!

I came out of the back door of my house today to do some tanning in the back yard and nearly stepped on a dead bird and a frog. I thought the frog was alive until I realized that while his front half was perfectly intact the back half of him had been smeared into the step. Not a very pleasant sight. Since I spotted these poor animals that had been masticated by my cats it was my job to get the shovel and throw them away. It was a bit of a job to scoop them up onto the shovel without actually touching them and it was rather grim. I had to detach my mind from what I was actually doing.

Later on I was outside taking down the laundry that had been drying for my mom and what did I spot as I was heading back inside? A dead mouse in the exact same place the bird had been. Ohh the poor animals!! So I made a bit of a fuss and yelled about it and then had to go get the shovel when my mom says "oh can you get the bird head and wings from the front path as well?" YUCK!!! I carried FOUR animals to the back grass today!

I'm really hoping that I never have to do that again. It was one of the most unpleasant things ever!

Maybe I should look into getting a dog.

Mafia House

My mother squished a cricket today...she didn't even dispose of it, she left it under the carpet...the one that my youngest brother killed can still be seen underneath the plastic by the computer...I am most disturbed.

I decided to try a new look on my blog. Please tell me what you think!

Peanut Butter Cookies

There is a plus side to having moved downstairs to the basement, it means I have a lot more access to the computer once everyone has gone to bed which means that I should be able to blog a lot more frequently!

Today I didn't do to much but one of the few things I did was make some peanut butter cookies. Well, I tried to make some peanut butter cookies, things didn't exactly go as planned. Now, before I continue and before everyone reading this suddenly thinks "oh Jenny!", I would just like to let everyone out there who thinks they have a full understanding of who I am, know, that against all prior incidents in the kitchen I can bake. I am fully capable of creating culinary masterpieces and I am not the only one to have fouled up when baking something! Just ask the lady in England who offered to BUY my peanut butter cookie recipe because she thought they were so good. That's actually a fact too, anyone who would like proof can ask my friend and
co-worker Lisa for verification. (And those ones were the ones with too much salt!)

Ok so, as I said, I decided to bake and everything was going absolutely smashing when my mom called up the stairs and asked "what are you using to bake on?" I had put the cookies on regular metal baking trays but apparently that's not what she uses anymore because they're not that great to bake on. She had forgotten to tell me and about a minute after she said this I smelt burning! I quickly took the cookies out of the oven but the bottoms had burned onto the pans (very sad face here) Fortunately I was able to save half the batch and bake them on the proper clay trays she usually uses and my brothers were able to enjoy what I had created. I suppose looking at it from the half full perspective it was a pretty good accomplishment and an afternoon well spent!

Did I already mention that a lady in England wanted to buy my peanut butter cookie recipe from me? So all you keen bakers out there who are interested I will be taking bids!

Insomnia

It is 12:55am and I CAN'T sleep...a problem I seem to be having lately. Grrrrrr!
Did I drink too much caffeine today?? Well I don't drink coffee. I know, I'm a North American and I don't like coffee. Honestly I just can't stand the taste. I like coffee flavoured drinks and on occasion coffee flavoured ice cream, but when it comes down to straight coffee and nothing else I can't stand it. The smell is appealing but I'm sorry the taste is vial! So I can rule out coffee as a cause of my problem. I had a root beer but it was Mug's root beer and they don't even put any caffeine in it and I didn't even eat any chocolate today so it it definitely can't be caffeine.
There is a possibility of the bed factor. I moved downstairs onto the pull out sofa bed and it's a bit of an adjustment. In fact I have slept in...10, yep 10 different beds this summer! After a while I find that my brain just gets a bit numb to the idea of having to switch beds and it just becomes an automatic action to sleep wherever I am. However, this sofa bed may take a little more than a numb brain to adjust to it ...the springs are somewhat more present and protruding than in other beds.
Then there are the crickets! You'd think the sound of crickets would be soothing kind of like when it rains at night and you listen to it drumming on the roof...very peaceful. But not these crickets, these ones infiltrate the basement of our house and they wait. They wait until all the lights are turned out and then they make noise and while they're making their noise they're moving around. My brother Stephen killed a cricket that had climbed up on the inside of the plastic that's covering the insulation. It's actually there right now squashed, if I turned on the light I would be able to see it. Maybe it's the thought of sharing the basement with a murdered cricket that's keeping me up or the thought of revenge from the remaining crickets. I was a bit disturbed by his violent behaviour. I asked why he couldn't have just put the poor thing outside and he looked at me with glazed eyes and said "because I HATE THEM! THEY'RE EVERYWHERE!" He's spent the last week in the basement so I wonder if I too will come to hate the crickets as much as he does, to the point of violently killing them. Will my eyes glaze over everytime someone mentions the word crickets when a week is up? Usually I just trap them under a cup and put them back outside, will that change?
Will I become a senseless killer?
There is also my cat, Robin. I generally have a fondness for cats, in fact Robin came into our lives about 2 years ago when I rescued a box of abandoned kittens that was left outside a church. I guess you could say I have a soft spot for the furry guys. But I think that tonight Robin is feeling a bit neglected, it could probably be because we've been away at the lake for the weekend and just came back tonight. Maybe he was lonely and really missed us. Or maybe he's missed me for the entire year that I've been in England and is trying to make up for lost time spent with each other. I do not know, but I know that he is on the sofa bed right now sleeping, taking up most of my pillow space and refusing to move!
It could be my sunburn. I spent the day outside in my bathing suit without sunscreen. My shoulders and upper body are pretty much tanned already so I just got darker but my legs hadn't really seen too much of the sun this summer and I forgot. My thighs are pretty red and they're generating a pretty impressive amount of heat right now!
It could be that I drank a lot of water before bed and I keep having to get up to use the bathroom. That is a big hardship because it means that I have to go all the way upstairs (2 flights in this house!) and it means that I have to be quiet so I don't wake anyone upstairs. Going upstairs also means that I have to leave the springy sofa bed and if I have found a comfortable position it's probably never going to be found again.
It could also be the fact that I'm up on the computer typing this blog, that's probably the winning factor at the moment I think. It's working though, I have started to feel a lot more tired since I got on the computer. Maybe it's because it reminds me of work which would tire anybody out! Who knows, but I'm going to see if I've been remedied of my insomnia!

Farewell to anyone out there who also shares my fate tonight!
(I am also very sorry for the obscene amount of rambling)

What a Delicasy?

I can now relate to John the Baptist....this is me enjoying the wonderful experience of eating a grashopper. Mmmmmmmmmm! All I need now is some honey!

Life...or something like it

I have sucessfully made it back to our Nations Capital after 3 intense weeks in Saskatchewan and Alberta and a quick stop in Saskatoon. I still think I'm trying to mentally process everything that has happened in the past month, maybe even the past year. It really has flown by! However, in the midst of my processing I do have a few adventures that I can share with the 2 or 3 of you who actually do read this blog. They are nothing compared to what Kristy-Anne seems to be up to lately, she seems to be turning into quite a "dodgy character" (to use an English phrase), but I shall share them anyway.

Adventure no. 1 takes place in none other than Calgary, Alberta. We arrived at the church me and the team from England would be staying at over the next couple of nights to discover that the youth would be doing a game of fear factor that night. They had set out a container of super worms and a plastic bag of grasshoppers/locusts (I'm not an expert so I'm not really sure if they were grasshoppers or locusts but I do know that they were still alive!) After we had loaded our things into the church and put them away we were standing around these insects randomly chatting and I went ahead and jokingly said "well I'll eat one if someone pays me!" That was a rather silly thing to say because next thing I know I am being asked how much money would be required for me to follow through with this statement. I foolishly blurted out "$5!" but realizing how little an amount that was to eat something live and crawling I quickly upped the stakes to $10. (Thinking back now I realize that I should have stated the amount in pounds since I was standing in the midst of English citizens but I was not that quick on my toes at the time.) Before I knew it there was $10 in change on the table as different people made contributions and I was faced with the reality of actually eating a live grasshopper/locust! So Pastor Lyle fished one out of the bag and handed it to me and I'm afriad that I was acutally quite girly and as soon as it jumped while I was holding it I screached and let it go! It was picked up for me and again I screached and dropped it. The third time I just cupped in my hands and I figured that I'd just better go for it so I threw it in my mouth, hopped and chewed rapidly and got it over with as soon as I could. Honestly, it was not that bad! It didn't taste horrible at all, a bit tangy, and the worst part was that one of the legs got stuck in my teeth. Steve took a very flattering picture of me as well! Maybe I'll post it one day....

Adventure no 2 takes place in Saskatoon Tuesday afternoon I went to the mall in Saskatoon with Steve, Heather, Tanys and Phil and Tanys and I needed to go to the washroom so we found them upstairs and went in. I finished before Tanys and was waiting outside and thought that it would be a great idea to try and make Tanys jump when she came out. Well, not wanting to scare some random person I stuck my head around the corner just to see where Tanys was at and she was drying her hands so I figured she would be the next person out. The dryer finished blowing and I heard her coming and as she walked around the corner I went "raaaaa" and threw my hands up! It was great.....the only thing was.....it wasn't Tanys!!! It was this very sweet, innocent, very young pregnant lady!!! I felt sooooo bad!! I explained that I was trying to scare Tanys who happened to be coming just behind this lady and was laughing so hard at me! The lady kind of just nervously laugh and walked away. I felt soooo silly!

Adventure no 3: My two brothers, Tanys, Steve and Heather and I were in the park across from Tanys' parents taking some pictures and I was wearing my favourite pair of jeans, the ones with all the holes in them. I was getting pretty bored of taking pictures and so inbetween I thought that it would be a good idea to try and do some cartwheels. I didn't get very far because right in the middle of the first one I heard this huge RIIIIIIIIIIPPPP and my jeans split all the way down my leg on the seam that runs up the inside!! I immedietly dropped to the ground on my stomache and was laughing really hard. No one else knew what was going on or paying attentiont to me anyway so they didn't know it had happend. They were trying to get me to get up and pose for another picture and didn't understand what was going on. I explained what had happened and why I couldn't move, I didn't really want to flash anyone so Steve ran across to the house and got me a blanket to wrap around. Well I looked like a granny in the pictures with this knitted blanket on my lap! It was pretty funny although I am very sad that my jeans are now completely unwearable :(

So those are just a few adventures so far. I thought they were some funny moments that might be appreciated. I think that I am going to end this blog here as it's already getting pretty long!

Love, Jenny*

Alberta

These are some pictures of my team while we were in Lloydminster and at Lake Louise in Alberta. We had a blast, I love them all very much and I'm going to miss them very much this summer.

Wow, I arrived in Canada on July 16 and already it's been 3 weeks! Time sure flies! I had an amazing time with my team from England. It was so much fun having them over in Canada and ministering with them. I really do love them all. The first week we were here we went up to a Native Reserve in Northern Saskatchewan called Southend. I'd been there twice before already but never in the summer. The scenery was beautiful. Southend is called Southend because it's right on the Southern tip of Reindeer Lake. We had a great week doing a afternoon vbs with the kids and just hanging out with them.

Our second week was spent in Lloydminster helping out with a 5 day VBS there. The last week we spent relaxing a bit and headed out into the Rockies for a bit of sight seeing.

I can't begin to tell you how much fun I had. There were so many adventures and things to laugh about that I would have to sit down for a week to write them all out. Hopefully once I get to Ottawa and have some time on my hands to relax some of them will be recorded. I always intend to journal everything on a trip like this but it doesn't usually happen.

The team went back on the 6th of August and it was so hard saying goodbye. When you're with people so closely for a time they become like family and I can't wait to see them all again when I go back to England in September.

Anyway I should get outside today so that I do not turn into a blob. There are some more pictures of the last three weeks on my msn space so go check em out!

God Bless!

Leaving on a Jet Plane

....don't know when I'll be back again....
well actually I do know. I'm going to be back September 9th as long as my plans go accordingly.

I can't believe it. I'm finally heading back to my home country: Canada. I'm really excited to be back but in some ways a bit nervous. I think that I'm going to experience a lot of reverse culture shock especially regarding driving since I will back on the right side of the road. I will definitely try to post any exciting things that happen while i'm back home!

Hope to see some of you soon!

Blessings,
Jenny

This is me and my wonderful, crazy, English friend Fiona. She is absolutely the greatest and I love her loads. She's getting married to a wonderful English bloke named John this summer!

I didn't make the height requirement for Mountain Troll :(

I'm sure that some of you are wondering what on earth I am doing in this picture. Well first of all I would like to let you know that I have finally figured out how to post pictures on my blog! It only took a few months as well. Some of you may be thinking "wow this girl is technologically challanged!" but in my defence I would like to say that honestly I'm so busy that I don't have all that much time to try and play around on the computer to figure these things out.

Anyway about the picture. Well I mentioned that recently I had been down to Tamworth to visit my friend Fiona, and this is when that picture was taken, but really it goes back a long way before that....all the way back to about February. Yep, February because that's when Steve's birthday was. I decided to buy Steve some Lord of The Rings Top Trumps cards. We don't have them in Canada but they're great fun. Espcially if you're an geek about films like Star Wars, Lord of The Rings, or even about Friends! Anyway after Steve opened his cards we decided to play a round. Basically each card is a character and has the stats underneath their picture (height, weight, magic, tolerance to the Ring etc,) and whoever goes first chooses a stat to compare with the other person. If theirs is higher then they get the other players card, but if it's not they have to surrender their card. You keep playing like this until someone has all the cards. Well I had been dealt a pretty sad hand of cards. The only good card I had was the Mountain Troll because he was incredibly tall. Eventually Steve managed to steal it from me which then led to my downfall! Grrrrrrr! So that is where the whole Mountain Troll bit comes from. Heather is such a great sport to put up with all the nonsense that went on in her house! I think that one day I shall make her a certificate for being such a great sport.

Now back to the picture. While I was down in Tamworth we went to a discovery type museum in Stibston (??) which also featured a coliery mine tour. There were these tunnels inside made to look like mines and were meant for kids to be climbing around in. Well, I think that being a youth worker entitles me to qualify as a "big" kid so Fiona and I went crawling around and took some photos. I think that John, her fiance, wasn't sure what to think! Well I decided that being in a mine I needed to pose scary because of all the stories of mine monsters, but I didn't think that I made the height requirement for a mountain troll, as sad as that is because it was so much my ambition to be an honourary Mountain Troll. Maybe one day?....In the end I just had to face reality and accept that the most I could be was a Mine Monster.

I was in Tamworth this past weekend visiting my very good friend Fiona Hadley. I may write more on that a bit later but there are pictures of my weekend on my msn space: http://spaces.msn.com/members/jmostar/

Life on Fast Forward

I'm sorry that it's been ages since my last post for anyone out there who actually reads them. Life seems to have gone on turbo mode at the moment.

Sunday the 3rd of July I went into Newcaslte for ixth hour (9th hour for the roman numerically challanged). It's a youth even thats put on by Youth For Christ in the North East and there's usually a band called Y-Friday that play as well as a dance/drama group called Dependance who are invovled. This past Sunday though was really special because Tim Hughes was leading worship. It was really really good! I've heard his cd's but I'd never seen him live and it was amazing. A really great time of worship. The speaker was challenging as well. In light of the G8 conference and the live8 appeal the topic of choice was to do with making a difference. I've found that recently it's been so easy to become so self absorbed and so selfish, thinking only about myself and my needs and what the speaker said really penetrated and I realized that I need to do something about it.

The speaker told a story about when he'd been in another country that has rainy seasons and they'd been doing a series of meetings. One evening it just started pouring and all the people who had come out began to leave. The man in charge suddenly jumped up and shouted "DO YOU WANNA SEE A MIRACLE?" so everyone stopped and turned around and this man continued " Rain in the name of Jesus STOP!" and immedietly the rain stopped. The speaker went on to say that he was sitting on the stage thinking "oh my word! It's my turn to preach tomorrow and I hope it doesn't rain!" He said he went home that night and prayed for forgiveness for every sin he'd ever commited, every sin his wife had ever commited and for the sins of the world so that it wouldn't rain the next day. But sure enough when he got up to speak it began to rain. This time no one left and just waited for him to repeat what happened last night. So he kind of feebly said " Jesus, please stop the rain" and it stopped! He carried on to say that it doesn't matter who we are, if we step out God will do the rest.

The next day I was provided with that opportunity. I had to go into work for a training day, not for me but for the team of youth we're taking to Canada. I wanted to go in early so that I could exchange a pair of jeans that I'd bought that were the wrong size so I decided to get into Morpeth a bit earlier for about 9:30 and then I'd have time to do my errand before 10 when the day was to start. So I set out and waited at the bus stop....and waited....and waited....and the 9:15 bus never came. I was a bit miffed but there was nothing to do except to simply wait for the next bus. As I was waiting an elderly lady came and sat down beside me. We got to chatting and it turned out that she was going into Morpeth because there was a huge dr. bill that she had to pay. She'd recently had an accident and broken both her wrists which I had noticed were both bandaged up. She also had recently lost her husband and was having a hard time with the government getting the compensation that she was supposed to because he had been a miner. As she was telling me all this her eyes were welling up with tears and I felt the Holy Spirit promt me to ask her if she wanted prayer. I decided that if I was actually gonna step out in what I had felt challenged by the previous evening that this was the time to do it. So when there was a break in the conversation i said:

"Well, I'm a Christian, would you like me to pray for you about all these things?"

I think I totally shocked her because she looked completely stunned. She asked me to repeat myself so I did and she said:

"Oh, no thank you love" and she chuckled a bit like I was just a young girl and didn't know much and then a friend of hers came to the bus stop so she began chatting with her.

I don't really know if I had done things right or if said things right or if God did anything in the situation. I have to have faith that He did do something even though I couldn't see it. I will admit that I was a bit discouraged. In a way I was hoping that she would've said yes and that Id've had the chance to pray and that God would have done a miracle in her life, but that's not my call. She lives on my street though, and I've bumped into her a couple times since then so I don't think it was a coincidence that I missed my bus.

I think that I will try to buy her some flowers before I leave for Canada just to let her know that I'm still thinking of her, even if it's just to remind her of the crazy Christian girl she met at the bus stop.

word for the day

One Christian College professor was honest and put it like this:

I am nice to my students, respectful to my colleagues, love my family, do not steal, commit adultery, use drugs or swear, and I floss regularly.

But when I look at myself honestly I see that I harbour bitterness, hoard my time and resent others intruding on me. I am vain, consumed with how others percieve me. I wrestle with my sexuality having strayed with my eyes and my heart. I pretend to listen but I do not. I think more about being great than about being good. I act more spiritual thatn I am. I am a mess, broken in every way - and my only hope is God's mercy.